Hey there! So lots has happened since I last checked in. Mainly I made this:
Well, technically my husband helped but I did like 90% of it I swear.
Being a mom has been the most amazing experience, indescribable really. Ellie is now 6 weeks old, and I cannot imagine my world or life without her.
But my world has truly changed. I no longer sleep for long stretches. I am essentially a milk machine. I can no longer make spur of the moment plans. Leaving the house revolves around when the baby last ate- how far we need to travel, how long we are going to be out, can I comfortably breastfeed at that destination etc.
Because of all these changes I have had a hard time getting back into running. I live in clothes that make my breasts easily accessible to feed the baby. We have no real schedule- sometimes the baby will sleep until 3:30 AM, and be up for a couple hours and I will be exhausted; sometimes she will sleep until 5:30 AM feed and drowsily fall back asleep for a 2 hour nap.
I have always been a morning runner, which is pretty much impossible during the weekdays now. My husband leaves for work at 6:15 AM. I am almost always awake as is the baby by this time, but our mornings are busy with diaper changes, feedings and snuggles and my husband is busy getting himself ready for a 10-12 hour day at work and helping me get set up for a long day at home with the baby- because he is amazing like that.
By the time he gets home I am usually exhausted, starving and ready to talk to someone over the age of 6 weeks. Running is the last thing on my mind.
So this weekend, when my husband was off from work I decided to go for a run. Pre-baby getting motivated for a run was a struggle in its self. Getting ready for this run was a far greater and different challenge. I had the motivation. But I had all these obstacles. I got geared up, put my extra large breasts in booby jail and then the baby woke up. As this was happening my husband was starting the laundry at the laudromat next to our apartment. I prepped a bottle of breast milk from my freezer stash while comforting the baby and then changed her. Then I switched the laundry over before heading out for my run.
I felt all kinds of guilty leaving my baby and husband. I felt guilty having him give her a bottle which tends to make her gassy rather than me just breastfeeding her. BUT I left for my run. It was hotter than I would have liked but it took longer to get out the house than I would have liked- because hey that’s my life for the time being. I could have let the heat and the fact that I couldn’t find my running belt be excuses not to run, but I didn’t. I ran. Well, jogged I guess.
Within the first few strides i had leaked pee. This thought should have occurred to me as this also happened on my first power walk with the baby. I was halfway into my walk and all of a sudden I was peeing myself and couldn’t stop it. I was over a mile from my car. That was a fun drive home. So note to self do kegels and wear a panty liner whilst exercising.
I could have turned around, but I knew if I went back it would be over, there is no way I would have been able to leave the baby again. So I kept going. My first mile was done in just under 11 minutes. Not great, not terrible. My second 2 were much, slower but I didn’t stop. My sports bra which was already tighter than usual as my breasts have increased in sized was getting tighter, I was def leaking milk. Note to self, where breast pads when leaving the house.
I made it home, red and sweaty. My husband was watching house of cards and my baby was sleeping. She prob didn’t even realize I left for 38 minutes- not that I was counting or anything.
I felt unstoppable after completing this. I felt like me, like pre getting pregnant me. And I think that is important for me and my little spawn. I want her to have a mom who is more than a mom. That sounds terrible because being a mom is a lot and I am not trying to say that being a mom is not enough as it is already too much work for one human. But, I think to be the best mom I can be, I need to do some non-mom things for me, like running.
So, I am going to run a half marathon in like 6 weeks. Because to keep up this running thing I need a goal and because a good friend of mine who has never run a half marathon asked me to. She is an amazing mom of 2 kids- TWO can you imagine? And if she can find time to train and run what is my excuse?