PSA: Never, EVER, Ever Guess if a Woman is Pregnant

Last week I was having a great week. After a blah week before, I was feeling more confident. I started to notice improvements in my runs and my strength training. It was exactly what I needed. more water more miles

I also had a short work week, which is always glorious. Since it is my Birthday month, and I live in the great state of New Hampshire, I am required to get my car registered and inspected. My lax work week gave me time for this.

I was sitting in the lobby of the car repair shop- or garage as everyone else in the world prob calls it, chatting with another woman who was waiting for her car to be repaired. The mechanic manager came out and jokingly said, “I’ve got some terrible news for your, Ms. Connelly…” The woman, who I had been having a pleasant convo with said “Nothing can be that terrible when you are PREGNANT.”

So keep yo' damn mouth shut!
So keep yo’ damn mouth shut!

FYI: I am not pregnant. If I am, it is brand- fucking-new news to me. It is probably not important to the story, but I feel as though it needs to be mentioned this woman was either morbidly obese or super obese. She struggled to stand.

This is not the first time I have been told I was pregnant or asked if I was pregnant. I am positive it will not be the last time either. It is rude. It is shitty. I usually say something to make the person feel like shit, but I did not. I ignored it.

#forealzies
#forealzies

She left. I waited for my car’s tires to be rotated. The mechanic manager came back to get me. He then asked me when I was due and if I knew what I was having…I had to break it to this poor dude that I was in fact not pregnant. He was unbelievably embarrassed and said “I thought you said.. or wait, someone said you’re pregnant?” I responded “Yep, a woman out there thought I was. Just tubby, not preggers. Sorry.” He was so awkward and confused and was like “Why would she say that?” I responded, “I dunno, I guess I just look pregnant… I’m a bit overweight” He awkwardly took my payment, reassured me I was not that fat or pregnant looking and shared how he and his wife were expecting their first child, a son. I congratulated him on his impending spawn and smiled. I then called and texted everyone I knew and told them how I look like I am carrying a litter…

never, ever, everrrrrrrr
never, ever, everrrrrrrr

I was in a terrible mood when I got home. Poor, poor, KC. He took me out for apps and wine and told me how beautiful I was. We discussed “the incident”. We discussed how it is always women who make these assumptions. I have NEVER had a man ask me if I was pregnant. Always women. I think women think they are being all intuitive, like “oh, she is freshly knocked up and I am an all knowing Goddess and I am going to let her know, that I know her little secret.”

Well, you’re probably wrong. You are not some psychic. You are not so especially intuitive. In fact, you are a dick. As the great Brian Reagan says, you should never, ever, ever, ever guess that. I work with pregnant women, so I can safely say a pregnant woman will tell you she is pregnant. It is pretty much all they can talk about besides swollen body parts, ¬†baby names and how they cannot drink alcohol. So, save yourself the embarrassment and some poor unsuspecting, un-pregnant woman the shame eating of potato skins and buffalo wings whilst chugging glasses of wine. There is no need for this.

you get me...
you get me…

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